Duck Duck Cougar?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
