dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
