He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
