you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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