The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
