He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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