I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
