Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
