The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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