There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
