You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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