this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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