I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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