So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize