My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
