A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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