Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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