Your face is a jimmy john
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
