Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
