He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
