Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
