did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm too high and old for this...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
