In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
