VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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