after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
