so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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