ya dads aren't the best wingmen
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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