3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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