Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
