hotel room ftw
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
