I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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