Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
