Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
How external is "for external use only"?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
