Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
