You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
