Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
