I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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