At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
