By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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