i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Im part way to drunk.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
