So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
