i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The power of my boobs compel you
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
