can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
it's like iHOP with fire
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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