i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
