I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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