I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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