Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
