You're my little dorito
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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