imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
