it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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