you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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