Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
