dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
