I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
