Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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