Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
