We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
