I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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