youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
