dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
