Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
