she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
