Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
