I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
