Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
