check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
