who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
