Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
