only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
