He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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