If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
