You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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