a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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