oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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