Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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