im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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