OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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