I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
