another moral hangover. fuck.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize