id be glad to
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
