is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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