Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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