You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
