He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
