Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
