Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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