What did we do last night that was yellow?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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