That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
