the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize