captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
