You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just found puke in my bra..
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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