I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize