Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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