GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
