Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
