Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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