Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize