Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
