when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
