My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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