how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
