youre lurking in front of me
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
