i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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