Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
