I skipped work to stalk him.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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