I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
