So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
